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Take off your mask story: I had crippling anxiety…(SIC)

Jason came to my school to give us a talk and that day I’m happy I went in after having the worse week and not attending school for that week, I also had family problems similar to Jason’s growing up witnessing family members attempting suicide at the age of 6, family arguments fights and growing up around drugs etc. it wasn’t till I was 15, just a few months back I was feeling suicidle depressed and I had crippling anxiety everything felt like the end of the world for me I didnt know what to do but I did have that one person I told everything to she helped me trough a lot. But I knew I had to try change and be happy for myself I knew only I could do that, I worked all summer to be a better more positive person to go back to school this year and do well with my work and gladly that did work for me I was like a different happy person for once I could say I loved my life and I hoped it would stay that way I went back to school and I was doing absolutely great it was the best I’ve ever done in school with attendence completing all of my work being on time and just being happy all of the teachers were so proud of me and woukd always tell me how great I’m doing . then all of a sudden everything just went to rock bottom again feeling depressed and feeling like nobody likes me or cares, that did effect school work I didn’t want to be going to school anymore or I wouldn’t do my work I’d be feeling too down and just want to be away from everybody and obviously teachers would notice that I wasn’t myself and try to help but I would never tell anybody what was wrong because I feel they can’t change anything only I can do that, some days I wouldn’t even know what was wrong even if I wanted to tell somebody so they could help I couldn’t because I wouldn’t have an answer. the crippling anxiety came back I just wanted to stay in bed I always felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself always having my head down and not talking and how I felt is how I looked everybody knew, I lost nearly all of my friends I had nobody this time to talk to about anything I’d blame everything on myself I’d think that nobody wants to be around me some days I would be happy and talkative when I’m happy nobody would think I had any problems but everyday I’d come home and just cry in my bedroom where I spend most of my time, alone . Any hobbies or anything I enjoyed doing I stopped because I think everybody hates me but I know it’s my head telling me that and it isn’t true I wouldn’t want to be around people feeling the way I do. your mind is a very dangerous place and can lead you to making bad choices sometimes you just can’t ignore it, I pushed everyone I was close to away I don’t talk to anybody anymore or share my problems, if I was to go into every detail I would be writing for days , unfortiontely my story doesn’t have a happy ending yet(but it will some day). I took off my mask and shared a bit with you all. And thank you Jason your a hero 🙂

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